Equality

I have a problem.

Before I describe my problem, I first want to make it clear that this is not open season for golddiggers.

For as long as I can remember, I've been very uncomfortable letting someone else pick up the check, especially a date. Splitting the check with friends is totally cool. Letting the parents pick up the meal once in awhile is perfectly fine too. However, in a dating environment, even when she's been my girlfriend for awhile, I still have a problem with letting her pay.

I was raised in the South with a focus on being a gentleman with good manners. Maybe part of this problem stems from youth (I won't go into it here), so who knows.

Sometimes it's a question of money. At least for the last several years, my income has always been higher (sometimes significantly) than that of my dates. I feel that when I'm with someone, I want to share what I have, but never with any expectations from the other person. Maybe society has so firmly ingrained into women that guys are willing to pay for dinner only with the expectation of getting something in return, I dunno. Personally, I feel like having her company was plenty worthwhile in return for dinner.

So last night, E paid for dinner and refused to let me pay instead. What made me really uncomfortable was that she'd already mentioned that things would be a little tight for awhile since she was off work due to her sprained ankle (sprained by falling off the sidewalk at my house, coming to visit me... oy).

Hmm, maybe I just don't want to feel indebted to anyone for anything. I guess society has turned the tables on the innocent here...

Comments

[angie]

I think you hit the nail on the head with the issue of feeling indebted to someone. You and I have had this discussion in the past, and being similar in this way, it can (and has) made for some ackward moments (with one another, and in our seperate dating lives). I don't think it's wrong of you to want to pick up the check, in fact, that is something that is honestly becoming pretty uncommon these day (many guys are unlike you, and in fact I've noticed many are now at the point of expecting the woman to pick up the check, or to always go at least dutch... another thought to ponder). Anyways, I don't want to ramble on here, but I do want to say you should always be true to you, and do what you think is right. For many of we modern women, this might make us uncomfortable, it might make you uncomfortable, but alas... it's the thought (and courtesy, and sweetness, and...) that really counts. Let her pick it up once and a while if she feels the need, you do the same, and everyone will walk away more "equal" and with their dignity and self-worth in tact. (IMHO)

[Stephen]

Tried to find an email address, couldn't and thus making a comment. One of your blogs is entitled "Never take a girl to Paris". I live in Paris, and just curious what happened here that you don't like?
Cheers,
Stephen