How To Impress Women

Today, my girlfriend received email from a guy on a personals site. I thought this would be a good example of How To Impress a Woman, and really get her interested in meeting and dating you.

Before you ask, my girlfriend's profile is still up because she's been too busy with me to get on the computer :P.

The following has been posted with the email recipient's permission and has been edited to somewhat protect identities... but laugh anyway.

Hi [woman's username],

I sense from what you wrote in your profile that you would like the
directness contained within this email.

As I read your profile, I became curious about you. I have a few questions
and a few statements. Your answers to the some of the questions will help me
determine whether I think that we may or may not be a match. As one should
know, time is very precious. As such, if you, or I determine that we will not
be a match, then that will save us time.

I created two quotes in the past that I would like to share with you.
First, "Ties on men are like leashes on dogs." As such, I do not wear ties.
Second, "Darwin, instead of an imaginary god, Bless America". I created that
quote as a way to show my defiance against the "God Bless America" quote spewed
way too much by the people in government and outside government after 9/11/2001.

I would appreciate it if you would answer the following questions.

1) Childfree
Childfree is defined as "is not and will never be any type of parent, and
has not and will never procreate." A guardian of a child is a type of parent.

I am childfree. I made my childfree decision
permanent by getting a vasectomy at the age of 35. In addition, I told my
sister that I would not be a guardian of her two children in the event that she
and her husband died. One of my two step-brothers agreed to be a guardian to my
sister's two children if needed. In your profile, you answered your have kids
question with "None", your want kids question with "Not sure", your match's have
kids question with "Any" and your match's want kids question with "Not sure,
Definitely, Someday". Can you and will you live your life, in terms of
children, as specified in the childfree definition?

2) USA Citizenship
a) Are you a USA citizen born in the USA, a USA citizen born outside of the
USA, a USA permanent resident or a foreigner visiting the USA?

b) If you were born outside of the USA, then which country were you born
in?

3) Gender Equality
a) Do you practice gender equality in your friendships and relationships?

b) If yes, then how do you do so (financially, etc.)?

4) Hiking
From your profile I sense that you may enjoy hiking because you wrote that
you like to spend time outdoors.

a) Do you like to hike?

b) If yes, then what type of hiking do you do and what are your favorite
hiking areas?

5) Pets
You answered "No Answer" to the "I have pets" question, which implies that
you do not have pets.

a) Do you want pets?

b) If yes, then what types and how many?

c) Regardless of your answer to 5.a, can you and will you live your life
without pets?

6) Travel
You wrote in your profile that you enjoy traveling.

a) What types of travel do you like and what types of travel do you want to
do in the future?

b) Do you want to visit Italy?

7) Baseball
a) Do you like baseball? Go A's!

b) If yes, then what is your favorite team or teams?

c) On a related note, is your birthday in September or October?

8) Football
a) Do you like football?

b) If yes, then what is your favorite team or teams?

c) On another related note, is your birthday in January?

9) Birth Year
What is your birth year? As of now, I do not want to know your complete
birth date.

10) Religion
Some god-based religions are Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

a) If you were to attend any type of god-based religious service, then
would you be ok with me not attending that service with you?

b) If you and I were to attend an event, like a baseball game, then would
you be ok if I deliberately stayed seated or sat down while the rest of the
crowd stood for the "God Bless America" song, any type of religious song or any
type of religious thing?

11) Smoking
If you were to visit a place (restaurant, bar, a friend's or relative's
place, etc.) where smoking occurs, then would you be ok with me not visiting
that place with you?

12) Body Art
You answered the Body Art question with "No answer", which implies that
your body does not have any art on it or piercings in it. Is that implication
correct?

13) Daily Diet
You answered the Daily Diet question with "No Answer".

a) Are you omnivorous?

b) Do you have diabetes?

14) City/Suburbs/etc. Person
You can choose more than one place for an answer to this question. Do you
want to live in the city, suburbs, country (which includes the mountains) or
someplace else?

15) Photos
Which of the [deleted] photos included in the profile is the most recent?


FYI, my profile's essay sections may not include separate paragraphs
because of a problem with [personal website]'s software.

I am looking forward to your response, whether it is positive or negative
(no match).


Darwin, instead of an imaginary god, Bless America,

[sender's username]


Happiness = Champagne, Childfree, Chocolate, Darwinism,
Dogfree, Illegal Drugfree,
Free Speech (1st Amendment), God-based Religionfree,
Music, Nature's Beauty, Omnivorous and
USA's President Bush's defeat in 2004 elections.

Comments

[Sean]

Geez, my mortgage loan is shorter and more straightforward than this survey. Now I'm remembering why I've never posted a personal online, and don't care to....

Oh, and is worshipping Darwin any less bizarre than worshipping a deity?

[Monkey Boy]

You know, with that beard, Darwin looks like a lot of wannabe religious figures, doesn't he?

[Tom Bridge]

Wow.

What a wanker.

Well, at least he won't reproduce.

[Ron]

I was with him until the comment about our President. But he does not have to worry about getting a date either.

[jasen]

Thank Darwin he's fixed!

[Sarah Lucile]

Really good work. I found a lot of profound information which can help me to go on. Thanks for all this input.